Thank you God

Sometimes it's easy to not pay attention to all the blessings that are showered upon us each and every day.  On this day of Thanksgiving, I want to pause and take a moment to truly be thankful.  I am thankful for:

My family.  Especially my 2 wonderful boys and my loving husband.  I don't show them how much I appreciate them nearly enough.  I LOVE YOU!!!  And my parents and siblings.  And all my extended family.  I love you all, and you are all important to me.

My friends.  I don't have tons, but the friends I do have are special and important, and I don't know what I would do without them.

My work.  I am sooooo blessed to have flexibility and a small amount of job security, especially in this economy.

My health.  Need I say more??

My God.

Thank you God!

Wow -- has it really been that long???

I guess it's been a really really long time since posting.  Decided to change my web address to keep it consistent with my e-mail address, and I'm noticing some differences in how this works since my last post.  I've been so busy on Facebook........ haven't kept up here.  So look for updates again soon!!

All Consuming

Wow -- I guess it's been awhile. So here goes with an update.

I am finding that having a child with an ADHD diagnosis is all consuming. I eat, sleep, breathe, trying to figure out this condition and how to manage it. And, not only does Matthew have ADHD, he also has ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), which is something that up to 40-50% of ADHD kids have as a co-existing condition. The good news is that he was not diagnosed with any anxiety or depression, which can also be co-existing conditions with ADHD. So we have been working with his doctor and the school to come up with a treatment plan we can all live with.

Matthew started on Methylin on Friday March 6, so he has one week of school under his belt with the medication. I'm seeing an improvement at home with a reduction in what I'll call "defiant episodes." But his sleep patterns have been out of whack. He'll go a couple nights not sleeping well, then a few good nights, then back to not sleeping well. And when he doesn't sleep well, then it seems like the medication doesn't work as well -- like this morning. Yikes -- tried an 8:00 church service, and it was a nightmare. So, looks like some medication adjustments are probably in order -- which is not unusual at all based on the reading I've been doing. Actually, it would probably be highly unusual to get the right dose of the right medicine on the first try.

So, we'll keep plugging away at it, and I'll try not to lose myself in the process. I am an emotional eater, so of course, I have had my good days and bad days lately. But I am afraid to step on the scale again -- I can tell I've gained weight and I'm feeling quite dumpy, frumpy, and disappointed in myself. I am really having a hard time finding the motivation to eat right lately, and I need to get back on track. How do I separate my eating habits from everything else that is going on in my life? I think if I could answer that question, I'd solve the weight problems of the rest of the world and become a multi-millionaire in the process! :) So I just keep going.... one day at a time.

ADHD diagnosis for Matthew

I know I said I wouldn't write any more about Matthew's problems, but I know a lot of you knew what was going on with the ADHD testing, and wanted to give you the news. I didn't have my "official" feedback session with the psychologist yet (that's not until next week). But given his issues in school for the past week, I called yesterday and begged her to put the process on the fast track. She did call back and gave me the "highlights" from last week's testing. He did very poorly on the Conner test, which is a 14 minute sustained attention test, and his results were very consistent with clinical ADHD results. So at least we know for sure what we're dealing with. Also, I had requested an IQ test. He is over 120, which puts him in the "superior" range. That's wonderful news, but it also adds a level of complexity for dealing with the ADHD. You know the saying "too smart for his own good!"

Anyway, we'll meet tomorrow with the pediatrician about treatment options. I'm very conflicted about medication. When I spoke with her previously, she told me that she has NEVER had a parent successfully deal with ADHD through diet and counseling alone. The ones who try that route ALWAYS return for the medication. I know it's a chemical imbalance, which is why medication works, but I don't want to change his personality. My aunt Bonnie, who is an educator, and whom I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for, has told me he should have the medication if he needs it. So that makes me feel better. So we'll see. One day at a time.

Stitches for Matthew

OK, so last week I wrote about the worst phone call of my life. Although Tuesday's doesn't top it for worst ever, it was still not a good one. So, it started out as a good day. I had arranged for Matthew's new desk to be delivered, and was expecting a call sometime early afternoon. Right after Nathan got home from school at 11:30, I was busy in the boys' room, vacuuming with the crevice tool in the area where the desk would be placed. So I didn't hear the phone ring. When I finished, I could hear the tail end of a message being left on the answering machine, so I headed in to the kitchen to take a listen. It was Mrs. Verhagen (Matthew's teacher), telling me that Matthew fell and cut his knee, and I should come to school to take a look. I immediately called back and got Peggy in the office; she said she had put some butterfly bandages on it, but it looked like it might need stitches. I called the doctor and got him a 2:30 appointment, then headed to the school. Matthew was lying down, and bandaged up so I couldn't see the wound. I explained that his appointment wasn't until 2:30, so he could stay at school, or come home with me. Of course, being Matthew, he wanted to come home.

After the desk arrived and grandma picked up Nathan, we headed to the doctor's office. Matthew was very anxious about the possibility of stitches. Sure enough, after taking a look and cleaning up the wound, Dr. Barton said he would need stitches. From there, things moved pretty fast; they moved us into a different room to do the stitches, and Matthew was quite scared. They wanted him to lay down on the table, but being Matthew, he wanted to sit up. So we kind of compromised -- I put my arm behind him so he could lie back but be propped up a little bit. He just screamed when they used the needle to numb the area, and said "I'm so scared!" We really tried to keep him calm, but everything was going so fast, I can only imagine what he was thinking. When he realized the stitches themselves were not hurting him, he really relaxed. He ended up with 4 stitches. The worst part is that it's right on the bend of the knee, so he has to be careful not to re-injure it. No gym for the week, and we go back in a week to get the stitches out.

So today (Wednesday) we meet with Dr. Steffen for his Conner testing for ADHD and other related issues. Pray that goes well and we get some good information and direction. By the way, he's actually been having some pretty good days at school behaviorally. He got the Pace testing 2 weeks ago, which confirmed that he's a very bright kid. On the bell curve, he was above the 90th percentile, which puts him in the top 10%. Predictions for kids in that range of ability include advance placement courses and graduate school some day. Great things are in store for this child -- we are very proud of him!

The worst phone call of my life!!

OK, so it's been awhile since my last post. Had to document the drama that happened on Wednesday this week (2/11/09). Every Wednesday, my mom takes care of Nathan in the afternoon for me. Every-other-week I work a full day, and the opposite weeks I volunteer in Matthew's classroom to help the kids with individualized spelling tests. She comes to the house and waits for the bus to drop him off at 11:30, then takes him home with her. Well, on this particular day, I'm sitting in the hallway with one of Matthew's class mates at 1:30, when my cell phone rings. Are you ready for this? It's my mom, who informs me that she FORGOT to pick up Nathan!!! So, 2 hours after the bus drops him off, I'm panicking wondering where in the heck he is, is he okay, etc. Talk about the adrenaline kicking in! Jeez. I quickly explained what was going on to Matthew's teacher, then got the heck home, well exceeding the speed limit the entire way -- and essentially screaming in the car (out of grief for what he might be going through). There sat poor Nathan on the porch, with tears in his eyes. He had gone to the Moss' house, which is what I told him to do in this situation, but nobody was home. So he sat on the porch for 2 full hours. Can you imagine what that feels like to a 5-year-old? And the poor kid peed in his pants. 2 hours is an ETERNITY for a kid that age. I just know God sent an angel to watch over him, and I thank God that Nathan had enough sense to stay put and not wander off.

Oh My goodness -- was I angry at my mother -- and at myself for not calling to remind her. I usually call if there is a schedule change, but on a "normal" Wednesday, I usually didn't. She did come over (and actually got pulled over for speeding on the way), and was so distraught. I had gotten Nathan cleaned up and given him his lunch by then, and she just stood there sobbing and apologizing over and over. I finally had to tell her to please get some control, because she was scaring him worse than what he was to begin with. I love my mom, and she helps me a lot. I honestly don't know what I would do without her help. I'm sure I'd be fine, but my life would definitely be more difficult without her. But on that Wednesday afternoon, I really really had all I could do to keep things under control. I did it for Nathan's sake more than anything.

So, where do we go from here? Mom begged "Please don't fire me! We love having him every week!" Believe you me, I was already making alternate plans in my mind as to how I could manage my schedule without having to rely on mom. But, in the end, I cannot do that to her, or to dad, or to Nathan. So I'm not "firing" her. BUT, I have told her that I will call her every Wednesday at 11:00, and if I don't get an answer, I will go home. I'm sure she'll never forget him again -- but I need to give him a safety net.

As far as Nathan goes, he seems fine. He really didn't talk about it much, and I didn't want to push him. I just tried to let him know that it will NEVER happen again, and he doesn't need to be afraid of riding the bus home. He is a trooper. The only comment he really made was during breakfast on Thursday, when he said "Mommy, I cried because I wanted you to come home!" My heart just broke. I cannot express how this whole episode has broken my heart. But if you're a mom, you know.

Matthew health update / Marcia's diet update

The saga continues. Matthew's been coughing again more & more the past couple of weeks. On Sunday morning, in the car on the way to church, I told him "If you're still coughing like that tomorrow, I'm calling the doctor." So we get to church for Sunday School, and after we finished our adult class, our DCE spots me in the hall and asks if Matthew's teacher found us. (Right away I'm fearing a behavior issue -- silly me.) Anyway, turns out that they were doing some sort of game involving running and Matthew had to actually LAY DOWN to catch his breath. The teacher did find grandma in the other adult class, and he was doing better by then, which is why they didn't come get me during class.

I called his allergy/asthma doctor's office right away Monday morning and got him an appointment for Tuesday afternoon. Poor kid had 57% lung capacity when we got there, and Dr. Wendleborn could hear wheezing again. We've been faithfully giving him the Pulmicort every evening, but he got a little cold which kicked up the asthma symptoms again anyway. And to make matters worse, he's got another sinus infection.

So now he has the antibiotic for the infection, a steroid pill to take for 4 days to help get his lungs back up to speed, and a rescue inhaler. I admit it -- I'm overwhelmed. I just don't understand this disease as well as I should. So, being the researcher that I am, I have ordered a couple of books that should help explain things. And I understand that I'm going to need to regularly measure his lung capacity with the peak flow meter (I think that's what it's called). That way, I can see if his lung capacity is diminishing and do something about it sooner.

Matthew is not what I'd call a complainer (at least not about his health or how he's feeling). It would really help if he'd be more vocal -- but I think he's just so used to it. I think he probably had asthma for a long time and we just didn't realize it. I never knew that coughing was an asthma symptom. :(

Anyway....... how's the diet going Marcia? Well, I got about half the weight lost, got a little cocky and gained back a couple of pounds, lost them, gained them again. I feel like I'm stuck here. At least I'm not gaining and gaining and gaining. I know it's not an excuse, but I guess sometimes I feel like I can only do so much at a time. Dealing with Matthew's issues -- both behavioral and health -- is about what I can handle right now. My house is messy and I'm not motivated to clean. My body is stuck about 7 pounds heavier than I want to be, and I'm not motiviated to be strict enough on my diet. At least I still get a workout in most mornings. I can be thankful for that. And I can be thankful for the fact that it's only 7 pounds and not 70. Given my history, that's pretty tremendous. So I'll keep plugging away one day at a time. In everything.

Pinewood Derby

Matthew participated in the Boy Scouts' Pinewood Derby on Saturday. He did most of the work on the car himself, and was very proud of it. There were 14 boys in his level (Wolf); trophies went to 1st, 2nd, 3rd places, coolest car, and "on my own." Unfortunately, Matthew did not get a trophy, but he did get a blue ribbon for participating. I thought he handled his disappointment extremely well, and was very proud that he did not get upset or angry. They also had re-chartering for next year, and he did want to sign up to continue in scouts, which I was very proud of. Nathan had a great time, and he is very anxious to participate some day himself -- I'm sure he'll join as a first grader! In the mean-time, Matthew is looking forward to upcoming scouting events, including his first scout camp at the end of June.

By the way, Matthew's Conner testing is scheduled for February 18. So until then, we continue to plug away with both good & bad days at school. It will be so helpful to have the answers we seek. Please pray for us.

Matthew update

Well, it took until Tuesday, but I finally heard back from Matthew's therapist with results from teh ADHD evaluation forms. Surprisingly, none of them showed a high liklihood that he has ADHD. However, he still wants to do the Conner test because that is the most conclusive one apparently. So we are now in wait mode while he gets pre-approval from the insurance company.

In the mean-time, I have started putting some of the tips from the ADHD reading materials into practice. Even if it turns out that he does not have ADHD, some of the tips have already seemed to work. For example, rewards work much better than punishments for ADHD kids. I had been in the mode of taking away things like Wii and computer time, his Nintendo DS, MP3 player and such when he misbehaved. The therapist said it actually is a bad thing to take away things like Wii and the computer, because those are the things he really enjoys doing and CAN sit and do them for long stretches (unlike things that are "work" for him). So he recommended a reward system instead. Although we still need to hammer out the details of a formal reward system (probably tying allowance into it), I have seen a positive change just by NOT taking away the things he enjoys!

Also, he struggles so much with writing in school. I read that ADHD kids usually do much better when you let them use a keyboard. Yesterday after Matthew finished his math & reading homework, we were talking about the writing, and I asked if he'd like to use the computer to work on a story. He was all over that! He literally ran to the computer and began to work on a story. He worked until supper, then after supper until bath time. He never even ASKED for Wii time yesterday! Then he woke up this morning, and the first thing he said was "I want to work on my story!" And when he got home from school today, again with the story. The only problem now is tearing him away from working on his story so he can get his math and reading done. He promised to do those immediately after supper, and he knows he will need to follow through with that if he wants to work more on the story, or even have Wii time (which he hasn't even asked about yet today!)

So, while we wait on the ADHD issue, at least we're making some positive progress. It's a start!

Marcia's Diet Update

This is painful to admit, but I'm back in weight loss mode. After managing to lose 107 pounds and keep it off for many months, I packed on 10 pounds in the last 3 months of 2008. I sort of ended up the year by making a conscious decision to just have a good time and not worry so much about eating some extra goodies over the holidays. The only thing that saved me from gaining more was that I continued a pretty good workout regimen.

Anyway, the "old" me would have continued to gain all the weight back by falling into old habits for good. Luckily, the "new" me recognizes the importance of getting back on track, and that it's a whole lot easier to lose 10 pounds than 107 or more! So, I'm back to my healthier eating habits and have bumped up the workouts, I've already dropped 3 of those pounds, and I know those last 7 will be gone by the end of February, if not sooner. It's embarrassing to have to admit that I gained some weight, but it feels really good to know that I'm tackling the problem while it's still a relatively small one.

Anyone find any Wii Fits yet? I'd love to change up my workout routine, and am DYING to find a Wii Fit. Let me know if you find any!!

So...... in an effort to find a "weight maintenance" plan, I picked up a copy of "The South Beach Diet" a couple of days ago. The diet itself is in 3 phases, with phase 1 being a really strict 2-week plan, then phase 2 until you hit your goal, then phase 3 for life. It is a really sensible plan, as it was developed by a cardiologist for his heart patients, and was designed more to change the blood chemistry for a healthier heart, than to lose weight. The good part is, you get to a healthy weight also. So I'm just debating whether to start with phase one, which would probably bring me to my goal in 2 weeks, or just start with phase 2. Phase 1 has no bread or starchy foods or fruit at all. I can handle no bread for 2 weeks, but I like my fruit! So we'll see.

The other good thing about this plan is that people tend to lose belly fat first -- so I'm going to try to talk Mark into doing it with me. No alcohol at all for those first 2 weeks, and then wine instead of beer if you do want a drink. That would be tough on Mark, but I know he could do it if he tried. And, people have even gotten their type 2 diabetes under control on this plan and have gone off their medications -- another good reason for Mark to give it a try!

Still don't know

I'm very frustrated that I have to spend the weekend without having heard back from the therapist. When we were there on Wednesday, he said he'd put a "rush" on getting the evaluation forms entered, and call me to discuss the results. I called Thursday afternoon, and he said he didn't have them back, but should have them either later in the day, or on Friday, and told me to call him on Friday if I didn't hear back from him. I gave him until 2:30 Friday afternoon, and when I called, I got his voice mail. He never called me back.

Yes, he did explain it's a busy time of year because they see a rise in patients after parent-teacher conferences -- but for crying out loud, don't make a parent who is already on pins & needles wait through another uncertain weekend. It just pisses me off. Sorry -- no other term seems to express how I feel. I still cannot figure out why someone in that office would have sent the forms back "refused." If that hadn't happened, we'd have had results on Wednesday.

Anyway, I've already started putting into practice some of the "tips" from the ADHD information that he gave me on Wednesday, and it's very early, but I swear things are already a little better. And Matthew has even managed to string together 3 pretty good days at school. So, either way, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Is it ADHD?

The short answer: I don't know yet. The horrible answer: I hope so. Yikes, I know that sounds really bad, but I'm to the point where that is what I'm thinking -- good or bad. Let me explain.

If you know our family, and the boys, you know that Matthew has always been my "strong-willed" child, while I'd label Nathan as the compliant one. Last year, Matthew did have behavioral struggles in 1st grade, but I thought things had gotten better and that the summer "off" would help. WRONG! He has been struggling mightily in 2nd grade. Not academically -- he's actually reading and doing math at a higher grade level. He struggles with staying focused, lately has had days where he flat out refuses to do the work, and has poor anger management issues. It saddens me greatly, because he is so smart, and he could do anything if he just tries. In December, he started landing in the principal's office regularly, and started seeing the school counselor twice a week. She and I finally decided that I should take him to see a therapist.

So, right before Christmas, we saw a Thedacare child therapist. It did not take long for him to utter those four little letters -- ADHD. We were sent home with evaluation forms for me, Mark, and the teacher to fill out, and I scheduled a return visit. I mailed the completed forms on January 2, and showed up at Matthew's appointment yesterday expecting to discuss the results. Well, he said he had not received the forms yet, so there were no results to discuss. He did ask some more questions and observe Matthew while we talked, and he really seemed to think that the test will end up pointing to ADHD. So he recommended the Conner test, which would be one-on-one for Matthew with a child psychologist, but requires pre-certification from the insurance company. He sent us home yesterday with some information on ADHD, and promised that he'd put a rush on the evaluation forms when they showed up.

We got home, I checked the mailbox, and there was the envelope I had sent with the forms in them -- marked "refused" of all things!! What?!?!?! I personally drove them back to the office this morning, and asked the receptionist to get them to him right away. Now I sit here and wait for his phone call.

No mother wants to hear an ADHD diagnosis for her child. Or anything with the word "disorder" in it. But the more I read, the more I think "that's Matthew!" And, there is definitely a genetic component, and I know that one of my cousins and my nephew both have it, and those are only the ones I know about. So it does make me feel a little better knowing that, at least if he does have it, there are ways to treat it, and it explains what's been going on. When you have a child with these issues, you really begin to doubt your parenting skills, so it would almost be a relief to just get the diagnosis and move on with a treatment plan. Because that is what we will do -- move on and get him the help he needs.

Yes, yes, yes, I know that ADHD can be a terribly over-diagnosed condition. But I really do feel I'm being careful, and knowing that there will be further testing to confirm the diagnosis (if there is one) makes me feel better about it. It does not help that when you google "ADHD Conner" to try to get more information on the test, the first website it finds talks about how there is NO test to diagnose ADHD, Conner was a quack, and ADHD doesn't really exist. It's obviously an "anti-ADHD" site rather than one that might be helpful to parents trying to find good resources to get helpful information. So I'll keep digging -- the truth is out there somewhere.

So for now, I sit and wait. And wonder. What if he is? What if he isn't? Either way, we are getting him the help he needs. I just want to know what I'm dealing with.

Matthew, go get that banana and throw it at the Monkey!

Do you ever overhear your children saying the strangest things? I just overheard Nathan say this, and got a chuckle out if it. They are in the family room playing Indiana Jones on the Wii, so in that context, it does make sense. But it did give me a chuckle that I wanted to remember!

Cooking with Matthew

Matthew has always been very interested in what I'm doing in the kitchen -- wanting to help measure and stir things and such. Before the holidays, I had him pick out a recipe out of a children's cookbook I had on hand, and he choose a beef vegetable soup of all things. He actually chopped up the vegetables, and was very proud of his soup.

For Christmas, he received a Paula Deen children's cookbook, so on Thursday I told him to pick out a recipe from one of his books and we'd cook together on Saturday. He choose the Chicken Pot Pie from the Paula Deen book, and wrote out his own shopping list for our trip to the grocery store on Friday. On Saturday afternoon, he made his pot pie. He started by cooking the chicken in water on the stove, letting it cool, pulling the skin and bones off the meat, and chopping up the chicken (I helped with that part). We even made our own white sauce, using some of the broth from cooking the chicken, and it was delicious! And of course, being a Paula Deen recipe, the sauce was made with butter and whole milk. Not too figure friendly, but I was good the rest of the day, so it was okay! The whole thing came together quite nicely, and was very tasty. The only complaint he had at the dinner table was "too many vegetables." (The recipe called for 2 cans of mixed vegetables, but I prefer the fresher taste of frozen, so I kind of guessed on how many veggies to put in. I thought it was perfect!)

It's a nice time together in the kitchen, is a learning experience, gives Matthew something to do besides the Wii (ha ha), and gives him a sense of accomplishment. Plus it's true that he eats better if he helps do the cooking. So it looks like this will become a regular thing for us -- I'd like to see us cook together at least once a week.

Pictures from Wisconsin Dells

Here are a few pictures from our mini vacation to the Dells. The snowy waterpark is the view from our room at the Glacier Canyon Lodge. It was a wonderful trip, and just the right length of time. The boys are already talking about going back!